Brace for Impact.

ever feel like life is bearing
down
on
you?
i do.
you know those famous movie scenes with the balloon finally bursting on someone's head after being completly filled to capacity. you see the balloon trembling and then slowly rolling off of the banister and the SOAKING the person underneath.
i am always interested in seeing that person's face.
right after the balloon...
HITS.
the face of shock...of hurt...of confusion......of anger...of wonder...the face of defeat.
i feel like i have a balloon balancing on the banister above me...just waiting for me to
SLAM
the door
just hard enough
for it to
f
a
l
l
and cover me with all that it holds. i am so scared for that day to come. i'm looking up at it...just...waiting.
see, my balloon isn't full of water.
my balloon is full of life.
full of decisions, relationships, questions, school, family, hurt, anger, church, and worry about all of it.
my balloon isn't a surprise to me. in the movies, the person under the balloon has no idea it's coming until there is no time for escape. i know my balloon is there. i have put every single thing in that balloon on my own. i know how full it is, because i have done the filling.
i know the collapse is coming... and i'm just waiting for it.
i don't know how to get away from it, i don't know if i can. i feel
STUCK.
i need an escape.
a trap door to open at the very last possible minute and i'm in the clear once again.
or maybe just an umbrella.
an umbrella would be nice. they always tend to do the trick. umbrellas provide just enough protection, but not too much. you can go out in a gross, rainy day with an umbrella and still enjoy it. you can play in the rain, still get a little bit wet if you want, but not totally soaked.
i need an umbrella. no an escape. if i escape, i wont get the experience. if i don't get the experience, i won't learn from it. i need to learn.
but i need some protection. i need to lighten the impact. i can't handle it ALL, all at once. i'll colapse under the pressure.
i need an umbrella.
so what will that be? a friend, a listening ear, a prayer, some time alone? what will be my umbrella? i don't know. i just know i need one. soon. before the balloon bursts.
i need an umbrella.