texty texterson

EHEM.

this has gone on long enough. i can't handle it any more. life is full of rules, and this instance is no exception. 
but like many other problems one could face on a day to day basis, this problem is not taken as seriously as it should be. 
let's fix that. now.

TEXTING ETIQUETTE.  

rule 1.
never. ever. never ever. ever. never. never. ever. EVER. send a text complied of a single "K" or "LOL". this is unacceptable. how in the world is someone supposed to reply to that?
if you were sitting on a couch talking to someone and all they did was "LOL" and then stop and stare at you...would that be acceptable? certainly not. so why in text?

rule 2.
replies are appreciated. simple concept really - you get a text. you send a text. you get a text. you send a text. you DON'T get a text....and put your phone away and move on. ESPECIALLY when it's a question needing an answer.
back to the couch situation. if you were having a conversation with someone and they asked, "how has your day been?"... would you just get up and walk away? (i certainly hope not, if so, we have other things to cover) you would REPLY!!!
it doesn't take long and is usually a fairly pain-free task.

rule 3.
just because two people in a group have cell phones does not give good reason for them to text each other while inside the group.
this needs no explanation. it's rude and dumb. don't do it.

rule 4.
sending pictures is great. sending pictures with absolutely no explanation is not so great.
"oh hey, thanks so much for that picture of your lunch...but why??"
take the picture. type a message. THEN send.
very very simple process.

now, i know this might be a lot to take in in one setting. so i'll give you some time to process it all. 
if these rules are not followed, more forceful steps will be taken.
thank you.

one of the same.

[i know i write about love...pretty much all the time. so if you want to just disregard this post, it's allowed.]

a few years ago, one of the most influential people in my life told me that i didn't understand the idea of Christlike love. and honestly, at the time, i didn't.
he told me to read 1 Corinthians 13.
of course he did. that's the chapter EVERYONE references when talking about love. way to be original. gee whiz.
but it doesn't stop there with just reading it.
then you apply it.

take the word "love" out.
put your name in it's place.

[Jamie is patient, Jamie is kind. It(she) does not envy, it (she) does not boast, it (she) is not proud. It (she) does not dishonor others, it (she) is not self-seeking, it (she) is not easily angered, it (she) keeps no record of wrongs. Jamie does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It (she) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  Jamie never fails.]

woah. woah. woah.

that blows my mind EVERY SINGLE time i try it.

i mean, the first sentence is just crazy. jamie is patient??!?!?! what?!? do you know me?!?!

does not envy?

is not easily angered?

always trusts, always hopes?

NEVER FAILS?!?!

yeah. impossible. 

on my own.

the point is this.

duh, we aren't this way. we can't be without Him letting us be and helping us get there.

i can't do any of this because jamie wants to be a better person.

but i can do it when i ask him and let him do it His way, and in his time.

so, until that whole paragraph is true...i'm gonna keep praying for it.

and keep blowing up my blog with entries about love. 

Christ love.

get used to it.

i feel like my life is an introduction at an AA meeting.

i feel the need to admit all my flaws and failures to every person i meet.
like a "precursor " of sorts.

but then, when i really think about it...

i should't have to.
you love me. or you don't. there's not much explaining that will change that.

so i guess, the thing is...
i am jamie king. i am the very jamie king He has created me to be.
He loves my loud laugh. He smiles when my big, bug eyes smile in unison with my heart. He loves to hear me sing, even when it's loud and off key. He is "enthralled by my beauty" (Ps.45:11).
and if he can find it in his all knowing, all powerful, all merciful heart to love me without having to know all my bad habits and embarrassing actions first..
so. can. you.

in case you have ever wondered

wow. wow. wow.

yes.

on Christ the Sold Rock they stand

as i sit here and  try to type out what i'm feeling at the moment i am completely and totally...
speechless.
there are so many thoughts flying around in my head right now, i don't even know where to try to begin.

i went to this thing tonight.
it was meant to let us see what it's really like for our brothers and sisters in Christ who suffer persecution for their beliefs. it was to show us what it's like to be in a secret "home church".
we don't know what that's like.
and as i went through the events of the night....
it hit me.

we, as american Christians have
NO CLUE.
we are totally and completely ignorant.

we complain when we have to be at church early, when the preacher talks past 12, when the song leader doesn't sing the song we like, or when someone takes our seat in the sanctuary.
they risk their lives when they walk into their place of worship, and they walk in gladly.
we all own at least 3 bibles....and read one maybe once a day.
they don't have bibles at all. they hear and memorize...and wait months to hear the next verse.
we are so caught up in this "tolerant" mindset we are scared to say anything that might offend someone.
they tell people that they serve a living God and that His way is the only way...knowing they could die before their next breath.

in the time it has taken me to type this simple blog, hundreds, maybe even thousands of believers have been killed for the beliefs i know i take for granted every day.

i am in awe of our ability to be so apathetic. 

James 1:22 - But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 


what will i do about it?
i must do something. because this...this easy, apathetic Christian life i'm leading it wont cut it any more. it can't. 
we are called to so much more.

1 Corinthians 4:16 - Therefore I urge you to imitate me.

can you imagine telling someone to imitate the way you serve the Lord? the way you live your life for Him?
that blows my mind.
but if i had their faith. their passion. their peace.
if i had what they have, and what i should have...i would be able to say that.

so this is me, making my greatest effort to be there.
to be like them.
to imitate them.
i want to be like Asia Bebe. she's in prison now awaiting her death. she stood up against a large group of Muslim women in her community in Pakistan and told them of her Lord and Savior.
i'm scared to be made fun of or unaccepted. 
she didn't fear for her life.
i will imitate that.

image for a minute what this world would be like if we were all imitators of these wonderful people, and in so, being imitators of our Lord.
we would be unstoppable.
join me.

or should i just keep chasing pavement?

these boys only listen to me when i sing

i'm dumb.

i act on impulse.

i don't use my brain.

when i do use my brain and plan...things never go the way i want them to.

i can't remeber the last time i had a friend tell me,

"hey jamie. i think you're doing the right thing. good job"

but.

that's ok.

i'll keep being dumb.

because when i'm dumb,

i still have fun. i still love my life.

i have regrets. i have a lot of them actually.

daily.

but you'd be lying if you told me you didn't too.

and my mistakes and regrets make me who i am.

i hate it. i love it.

so i choose to accept it.

i choose to bask in these qualities of jamie

23/7.

this.

this is my one hour to freak out.

back off.

i want to believe in reincarnation.

on days like today, i like to believe i was once a tree. 

firmly rooted. standing tall. 

unshaken.

strong.

reaching out to all who pass.

a shelter to those who seek it.

but since i was never a tree....

i will just live out my tree-like duties as best i can.

being jamie.

i think that possibly, maybe i've fallen for you

Free Fallin'

dear john mayer, come sing this to me.

please and thank you.

love, me.

all alone in the moonlight

it's happening just like everyone said it would.
(...it's about time!)

i'm forgetting my senior year class schedule.
my locker combination.
which seats were the best in each class room.
the pythagorean theorem.
(no wait, i never actually knew that)
my best friends home phone numbers.
songs that were SO cool when we were in high school.
("Tipsy"? what?!?)
the many failed quizzes, tests, and attempts at being cool.
(...by many i mean...every day of my life)

i'm forgetting high school.
forgetting things in the past that don't matter any more.
and with that comes some relief.

i'm also
(with a little more effort)
forgetting
the many humiliations.
the first car date.
the wrong choices
the advice
(bad, awful, and just terrible)
the ones i said i loved...
and the ones i actually did.
the ones who broke my heart...
and the ones who still hate me for breaking theirs.

but while forgetting, i'm learning.
while learning, i'm growing.
while growing, i'm becoming
becoming Jamie.

off to the side

worship:  The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.
reverent love.
woah.


a few days ago i was talking with a dear friend about the church today.
all of it.
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
since then, i have been thinking about such things...and so much about true worship.
what is it?
singing Amazing Grace in church for the 1,482 time in your life?
bedtime prayers that are nothing more than part of the routine?
reading a few verses in your bible once a day?
listening to a preacher, singing Just As I Am, and then going out to lunch with friends?


no.


worship is life.
a reverent love and devotion to Him.
daily.
all day.
with every breath.


we, as the American church, have got this so wrong.
it's not supposed to be about us.
sitting where we want to sit, the songs we would rather sing, the feel good sermons...
church is about Him. 
worshiping Him.
all him.
not us.


no wonder we can't focus on worship...
we are too focused on ourselves.


our purpose on this earth is to bring Him glory.
plain and simple. 
it's all about him. not at all about me.
easy to say.
hard to accept.


it's like this...


you know those movies with the president, the queen, or an equally important person in the world is in a parade?
there's that one scene with all the people lined up on the side of the streets just hoping to get a glimpse?
those people are only in the movie for that one role. to bring attention to the star.
that's our role.
we are only in this movie called Life, to bring attention to Him.
to see Him pass by.
standing there on the side...
with reverent love and devotion.

But darling,

i have always held you high above the rest.
one step ahead.
you were always better in some way.
always deserving of more time, more effort, more chances, more thought, more forgivness.
more love.
more unreturned love.

but

are you?
what is it, exactly, that makes you so great?
the way you looked at me? the way you said my name? the way you respected me?
or maybe
the way you blew me off? the way you never took me seriously? the way my love wasn't enough?

you have always been my only exception.
my light.
my promise that all is not lost.
my rock.

but if you were so great....when you really weren't...
that one out there somewhere that really IS all i have him cracked up to be...
he will blow my ideas, expectations, rules, and only exception out of the water.

where have you been all my life?!

this. do this. it guarantee all access to my heart.

lesson #519362

emphases on the "stories."

please welcome to the stage

you. yes you.
let me clear some things up.

this blog. it's not about you.
you aren't worth the time or effort.
my heart. it doesn't break for you.
you don't deserve that.
her heart. it will heal.
and no thanks to you.
your lies. they're all being shown now.
you're. busted.

so please.
do us all a favor.
disappear.

this. this is a freak out.

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh. 

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh. 

oh my gosh.

oh my gosh.

john mayer. is in. nashville.

as if that wasn't enough...

keith urban. sang. WITH him.

yea. i can't breath.

but...it was perfect.

gee, thanks.

i do a good job forgetting...

until a little kid does the remembering 

for me.

goin' to the chapel

every one knows that once a girl reaches the age of 10, maybe 12 at the very latest, she has her ENTIRE wedding planned.

i've never been on the "normal" side, so why start there?

i've always known i wanted to get married. i've always planned for having a husband and kids. i've always thought about my wedding day...just not in any sort of great detail.

i didn't know my colors. my dress. or even when or where i wanted it.

i never have had any of the specifics planned.

until now.

i will get married in the fall.

i will get married outside.

my dress...well for a picture of my dress refer to previous blog. my dress will be fantastic.

my daddy will give me away AND do the ceremony. 

my reception will be under a big tent with christmas lights and paper lanterns hung as far as the eye can see.

so maybe i haven't been planning since i could say my name. 

but i know what i want now.

and it will all work out.

you'll see.

i'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain.

i can't see it through the camera lens.

the WIND.

A cHiLd'S lAuGhTeR.

the peaceful moment right before sleep.

the SMELL after a summer rain.

the way my heart feels when i see you.

thunder.

a broken heart.

sunshine on my shoulders.

LOVE.

the smell of roses.

a genuine hug.

if i could have lunch with anyone...the list would start here.

MY HERO.

when i grow up

it's official.
i can't make a decision and stick to it to save my life.
i am a sophomore in college and have changed my major so many times my head is spinning.

sports medicine.

youth ministry. 

nursing.

mass communications.

radio.

mass communications.

television.

nursing.

early childhood education.

so really...
what do i wanna be when i grow up??
sigh.
i have no idea.
can i just stick to the original plan?

being a princess doesn't sound so bad.

someday...

i will wear this dress.
i will look great.
my husband-to-be will cry.
we will promise ourselves to one another for the rest of our given days.
he will look at me with that "sparkle" in his eye.
i won't stop smiling.
i will know i have found the man i will spend my life with.
it will be the best day of my life.

...people actually ask why i love road trips.

yes.
my life is just THAT great.
<3

this time last year,

i had just graduated high school.

even as i type that, i am completely overwhelmed by the thought.
woah.
this year has been....wow.
it's been great. it's been awful. it's been fun. it's been scary. it's been eventful. it's been boring. it's been happy. it's been sad. it's been...it's been so short!
seriously though, where did all of my time go?!?!
i spend alot of time having "heart to hearts" with my friend, Colton.

our last one was about this very subject.
we listed our greatest memories and our biggest regrets.
boy...did i have a lot... of both!
and see, here's the thing.
that's. life.
and it's my life.
and i love it.
so yea, it's been a year. oh boy, what a year it has been.
but it's been just another year of this beautiful life i live.
the good. the bad. and the ugly.

so hey, year to come.
i'm so excited to see what you are bringing me.
let's get this show on the road.

shall we?

yes, i'm savin' all my love for you.

love.

it's kinda what our world revolves around.
i searched for the word love on...
itunes - over 1,000 songs.
google - over 1,410,000,000 results.
surfthechannel - over 5,826 movies.

you get the idea. we're all crazy about love.
but why? what is it? why do we want it? need it? long for it? let it consume our every thought and action?
your guess is as good as mine.

i guess, love is a lot. it's so much more than those butterflies you get when that special someone looks your way. it's more than wanting to spend every waking moment by their side. it's more than the thoughts of that person filling your head from the time you wake until the time you finally fall asleep each night.
it's all of that... and so much more.

love is a choice. there are days when it isn't easy for me to love anyone. at all. but whether it be a friend, a family member, or a significant other, loving that person is a choice. i used to think of love as some dark abyss that people just kind of "fell in to". but what's so great about someone accidentally falling into a big hole?
nothing.
it's so much more meaningful and precious to think that someone wakes up every morning and decides to love you. not caring about your bad mood, your successions and failures, your good and bad hair days, or your bad habits.
they just wake up and decide to love you, for you. everyday.

love is a future. there are so many movies based on the simple concept - two people meet. they "fall in love" (i've already covered that, let's not dwell). they decide to get married. this is always followed by one of the two confidently saying to a third party...
" i can see spending the rest of my life with them."
oh is that right? love is saying that, and meaning it.
love is looking past the fairytale life you have built for the two of you in your head and seeing if it's really possible. love is knowing there will be bills, pets, kids, more bills, fights, more kids, messes, disasters, in laws,  bigger fights, snoring, annoying habits, even bigger fights, more messes, and old age (which brings a whole other list along with it).
yes, love is all the good you see. all the happy, lovey- dovey moments.
but love is also seeing all of that in your future.
with them right beside you the whole way.
and still seeing yourself happy.

love is more. yes, love is great. love is all that it's made up to be. anyone in their right mind would want love. but it is so much more than the movies and songs play it up to be.
love is finding that person to be there through the good, bad, and ugly.
and not wanting anyone else in their place.
love is looking into their eyes and knowing you're safe.
there. with them. forever.


love is trust.
love is patience.
love is acceptance.
love is comfort.
love is growth.
love is joy.
love. is. more.

no. i don't think i have it all figured out.
trust me. i know i don't.
but with a divorce rate of 41% for first marriages, we're obviously missing something.
i just think it's so much more than we make it out to be.
it means more. it's worth more. it's worth more effort. it's to be cherished more.


love is so much more.

what a view.

i'm so proud of you.
you are growing and maturing so much as a person and in the Lord.
you are becoming more.
it is so great to see.

i know it's tough.
i know things get really hard sometimes.
i know there are things and situations you would like to change.
but don't.
they are molding and shaping you.
and from this angle ... trust me.
the results are so amazing.

love you boo boo.
<3

wake up call.

hey jamie.
stop looking back at how great things were.
stop trying to get them back.
just give it up.

there are great things coming.
better than you can ever imagine.
you are limiting yourself with menial...old...unchanging desires.

move on.
change.
look forward to what's to come and where you're going...
because this looking back is only gonna keep hurting.

there are no words.

God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away." And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold I make all things new."

let me tell you a little about my best friend.

as the days go by, faster now than before, i'm starting to set it....
i only have 6 days left with my best friend.
my roommate, my parter in crime, my comforter, my hug giving addict, my cottage cheese eater, my mom away from home, my companion, my class mate, my movie partner, my back up in a fight, my favorite person to argue with, my favorite person to agree with, my "twin", my heavy lifter, my advisor, my sanity.
my best friend
Ol.
i feel like i should explain the name before i go on, to keep from any confusion.
the first night we met i said her name. Olivia.
i quickly decided that was too long and we should shorten it. Ol just kinda stuck.
i've met alot of people. i can honestly say i don't usually have a problem talking/befriending people i've never met. but i have never... NEVER become friends with someone as quickly as i did with Ol.
we just hit it off.
we were suit mates at first. we both had other room mates and lived on the other side of the bathroom from each other. every night for the first week of our freshman year of college, i would go into Ol's room and sit on her bed. by the middle of the week, she started to expect me and would just scoot over when she saw me walk in. we would just sit and talk.
about anything and everything.
i knew then.
i knew i had just met an amazing person.
my best friend.
that was in the beginning of september.
as time went on, we got closer and closer.
we were going on "adventures" around nashville all the time...ok actually... we were just getting lost around nasvhille...but it's all the same really.
the walking bridge, the strip on broadway, the fountains, centenial park, love mountain, cafe coco, dragon park...our spots. every time we go out we go to at least one of these places.
memories. i have so many great memories at these places...but as i think of them...every single one of them...i'm there with Ol.
side by side.
laughing the whole time.
yes, we have had some pretty great laughs.
but, laughing isn't all we do. we know we have to mix it up.
we cry too.
ok it's not really a "we" that cries...it's more of a "jamie cries, Ol listens" arrangement we've worked out.  since we met, we've been through all the emotions. though i will always treasure memories of laughing until we couldn't breathe, i will also treasure the many.... MANY tears shed.
Ol always knows what to say and when to say it. things have been pretty hard at times this year, but Ol has always been there to lean on and cry. even times when she knows i don't want to cry, she gives one of her famous "here's the thing" speeches and has me in tears almost instantly.  i'm beginning to think she does it on purpose.
i would love to sit and write about all of the great memories i've had with Ol....but i'd be here all night.
memories i will never forget as long as i live.
memories with my best friend.
in a few days, we'll go our separate ways.
she's going home for the summer then attending a school close to her house in the fall. (sorry Ol, i can't remember what it's called). all summer we'll be about three hours away...and in the fall we'll be about seven hours away from each other.
not. ok.
but i know we'll be ok.
i know we can do it.

we're best friends.
it's gonna stink. it's gonna stink BAD.
i am going to miss her SOOOO much.
i've gotten used to Ol being the first person i talk to when i wake up, and the last person i talk to before falling  asleep at night.
to meeting her in the lobby of the caf after class so we don't have to walk in to lunch alone.
to her fussing at me for brushing my hair and shedding everywhere.
to her check list as we walk out the door every morning, because she knows how often i forget things...
"wallet, keys, phone?"
to hearing her yell at people for being loud while i take a nap.
to eating dinner everyday together at 5...on the dot.
to that "look" when she thinks i'm making a bad decision.
to sitting beside each other, like we are right now, not having to say a word. just watching tv together.
me and my best friend.
i'll miss all of it and more.
but i know how blessed i am to have met such an amazing person as Ol.
i have changed so much.
for the better.
because of Ol.
my best friend.
I love you, Ol. Though we fight and yell and kick and scream and fuss and fight.
i mean come on... you're
my best friend.

no, DON'T keep holding on.

something has hit me.

in the face really.

friends are great. best friends are awesome.

but we, as human beings, have quite a few different seasons in our life.

friends are there for those seasons.

but as times changes... needs change, views change, wants change, habits change...

and friends change.

i have had some really great friends be there for me in times when i know i would not have been able to keep standing if they weren't there. and for a while, i thought we would be that way forever.

but that's not how it is. 

my needs changed. their needs changed.

we changed.

now, we are still friends, and always will be. but never the same.

it's not a bad thing

if not for that friend and those times we had, i wouldn't have the close friends i have now. 

don't drop all of your friends and make new ones. hold on to them as friends. we all need friends...and usually lots of them. but pick and choose the really close ones wisely. 

but take this really hard lesson from me.

don't hold on so tight. loosen your grip.

let the ones go that need to go...

make room for the ones that need to be there now.

i'd like a chimichanga, please.

food in america. 

i. don't. get. it. 

mexican food here....doesn't taste anything like food in mexico.

intalian food here....doesn't taste anything like food in italy. 

chinese food here....doesn't taste anything like food in china.

you get the idea.

so what does american food taste like there? is it legit? 

wait...what exactly is "legit" american food?

sigh. the things that plague my mind while i try to do my homework. 

<3

what about Shamu?

i went to my friend's house today.
we grew up together. i was always at his house.
sitting on the back of the toilet in the bathroom is this noah's ark figurine. it's been there forever.
as i went in there today, i remembered going in there when we were little and looking at that thing in amazement.
it's noah's ark on top of a huge wave with two whales coming up out of the water beside it.
i always wondered, and still do....
did they leave the whales out???
 poor whales....all alone...in the water....for 40 days.
if the whales got left out, did all of the fish? did they all survive or just a pair of them like every other animal?
just somethin i've been thinking about for years.
that's all.
<3

love is blind.

i am continually amazed at people.
and even more amazed at myself and my ridiculous views on things.
i used to think that you had to "look the part" to be that good Christian everyone wanted.
no, your hair can't be long.
no, you can't have more than two piercings, and those have to be your ears!
no, you can't have radical colors in your hair, and definitely not black!
no, you can't have any tattoos.
yes, you have to stand still and look straight ahead while worshiping.
yes, you have to dress in your "Sunday best" to go to church, or your not legit.
yes, you have to pray in public, and the prayer must be at least 10.34 minutes long..
i don't think i have ever been so wrong in my life.
if i have learned nothing else while here at Trevecca it's that there is no specific "look" for a Christian.
that's crazy!
i have met some of the most on fire, legit, crazy about God people here. and become best friends with them.
and guess what?!?
they. worship. too.
with their long hair, tattoos, radical hair styles, piercings, and crazy outfits.
all of it.
they worship. and they mean it. and they show it.
you can see the love for Him in their eyes. and i love it.
so, bump all those stereotypes.
they're stupid.
go worship with some friends, even the crazy ones.
<3

TNT...yes, they named it after a bomb for a reason.

there are over 2,000 teenagers on campus this weekend.

at first i was scared...i mean, come on.

they're loud

smelly

obnoxious

too easily excited

unruly

confusing

and messy.

but wait,i just described myself too...

so, LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!!!

i'm gonna go hang out with some teenagers.

don't grow up too fast. smile, laugh, and enjoy life.

it's what were made for.

Pa Gen Mal (It Is Well)

i just got back from one of the best trips of my life.

i am in Gospel Choir at school and we went on tour to Orlando, Florida. why Orlando? Universal Studios of course!! no really, we went to sing at some Haitian churches down there. The plan was to do a concert Saturday night, sing at some churches Sunday morning, and some different churches on Sunday night.

can i just say - OH. MY. GOODNESS.

honestly, i wasn't too excited about the Haitian churches. i thought it would just be some really boring church services in a language i couldn't understand.

i have never been so wrong.

early Sunday morning we split our 80 person choir into two different groups and set out to our assigned churches.

at our first church, we had only planned on singing a few songs because they were having their regular service in addition to our songs. before things got started we got up on the stage to practice. we went through our first few songs without so much as a clap or sway from the crowd (which was totally ok, because we were only practicing). but then, we started to sing "It Is Well". we have learned that and "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" in Creole French for this very trip. we were so excited to be able to sing a song in their native language.

as the first verse began, the look on their faces were priceless. slowly, one by one, they began to notice what we were saying. they began to smile and pay much more attention than before.

as we all joined in on the chorus, they too joined in.

there we were, a group of kids from a school in nashville, tn singing praises to our King in unison with the Haitian community. they were so happy!!!

they were smiling, and swaying and singing along.

and the tears, the tears that flowed. from their eyes and ours.

it was incredible. i was so touched. and from the reaction of the rest of our group, i wasn't the only one.

after that, we went and sat down and waited for our turn to perform. we got to sing along their congregational hymns while we waited.

standing there in that sanctuary was something i will never forget.

we were singing "How Great Thou Art"...but it wasn't like what i am, or most of the people in that choir are used to.

they were singing in French and we were singing in English. but the sound of all of us worshiping together rose in such a way....i can't even describe it.

it was INCREDIBLE.

a few hours later, we were loading the bus and all i could think was, "no. don't make me leave. i'm not ready to go yet!!"

it was so great.

so i wasn't expecting much out of our trip. i was expecting to go sing what i had to sing just to get through and then get to spend a free day at the beach.

but i got so much more. i was touched and blessed in a way i could never have imagined. i share an amazing God with some pretty awesome Haitians down in Orlando.

you should go see them some time.

they'd be happy to sing with you.

<3

Give Me Rest

for those that don't know, i love to take naps.

i pretty much depend on them and coffee to make it through most days.

as i lay down today to take my nap, my head was spinning. there's so much going on and so much to think about in my life right now i wasn't even sure if i would be able to sleep.

but i was determined to try.

i grabbed my blanket and my teddy bear, rolled over, and closed my eyes. as i lay there, i thought. a lot.

but then...to my surprise...that feeling came.

you know that blissful feeling right before you fall asleep? when everything seams to just fade away and you are complete relaxed. i have told my friends many times - that is one of my favorite times of the day.

so i fell asleep.

when i woke up...my mind started racing again. all i have wanted for the rest of the day was to just crawl back under the cover and have that feeling again.

i want rest.

not sleep, not a nap or sleeping late in the morning...but rest.

i want my mind, my emotions, my friends, my grades, and my life in general to just give me a rest.

i just can't seem to get it.

as i write this...you guessed it...a verse comes to mind.

(i'm beginning to think God is using my blogging to talk to me more than anyone else

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

He wants to help me. He is waiting for me to just ask.

geeze.

my roommate keeps telling me, "jamie, you really need to just let go and let God." i hate that. i don't usually "let go" of anything.

but she's right.

and He wants me to.

i'm sure it would help.

he can give me that feeling and the rest i long for.

God, i'm asking for your help now.

Give me rest.

In your ocean i'm ankle deep.

i spent the last week at the beach. can you say HEAVEN?!?! it was so perfect.

we went almost everyday down to play in the sand and waves...even though it was below 70 all week. some days we could wear shorts and tank tops...some days i had on pants and a hoodie.

most days....we bundled up.

we went with another family.

4 boys under the age of 10.

it was a blast!

the youngest one is Nathan. He's about 1 1/2 and... is pretty much the love of my life.

when we got out of the cars and headed down to the beach, i would get him out, wrap him up in a towel, and hold him the whole time we were there. he would usually fall asleep, but until then i'd walk around showing him things and singing.

but it never failed...each day i would walk down to where the waves covered my feet and would start singing "Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe.

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep

I feel the waves crashin' on my feet

It's like I know where I need to be

But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out...

...Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful

To touch me, I know that I'm in reach

'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful...

as i sang that song, i would never make it all the way through. I would just sort of fade off, stand there, and think.

can this just be the theme song of my life?!?

i want to be all that i am called and created to be. I want to great things and do them for the glory of the One who saved me.

but i don't want to be too christian about...now please...don't freak out. give me a chance to explain.

i don't want to be so caught up in my walk with Him that i don't notice those walking around me. i don't want to be so "heavenly focused i'm of no earthy value." i don't want to live in my little christian box with my little Jesus that i can hold in my hand and just wait for the day i leave here and go Home. i want to be/do so much more than that!

i was talking with a dear friend and mentor a couple of weeks ago. he reminded me of the mindset i try to have. the goal is to find a happy medium...not to be the christian that only plays church and does whatever for the rest of the week...but also not to be the christian that lives in "christian world" in a little box and have no real contact with "the world".

alot of times i think we as christians get scared of "the world". we are scared it's going to take us over or corrupt us or just destroy us completely...but it's ok to be a nice mix of both.

as i have mentioned so many times before...i am ALL about relationship and heart. and seriously believe that i can listen to secular music, show anger, or even miss a day of Bible reading and still be a christian. if my heart is where it should be and my goal making that great relationship with Him even better...i think i'm doing better than i was the day before.

now don't take this as me justifying things so that i don't have to make any effort in my daily walk with Him or that i think it's ok/healthy to not be any different than the world.

because i'm not.

we are called to be different. but not so different that we aren't impacting anyone around us.

i hear alot of people say they want to be like a pebble being thrown into water...they want ripples. i don't.

i want to be like a wave.

i had alot of time to just sit and watch the waves this week...they are fascinating.

but, one wave can't just stay to itself. it's as if it has so much power and so much passion it can't contain it all. it has to share. it has to absolutely engulf the next wave...and the next must do the same.

i want to be a wave. i want to have no other option than to spill out onto the people i come in contact with everyday.

and i can do that. and i will do that.

Let the songs I sing

Bring joy to you

Let the words I say profess my love

Let the notes I choose

Be your favorite tune

Father let my heart be after you

and like a wave coming in at high tide...

there will be no stopping me.