yes.

on Christ the Sold Rock they stand

as i sit here and  try to type out what i'm feeling at the moment i am completely and totally...
speechless.
there are so many thoughts flying around in my head right now, i don't even know where to try to begin.

i went to this thing tonight.
it was meant to let us see what it's really like for our brothers and sisters in Christ who suffer persecution for their beliefs. it was to show us what it's like to be in a secret "home church".
we don't know what that's like.
and as i went through the events of the night....
it hit me.

we, as american Christians have
NO CLUE.
we are totally and completely ignorant.

we complain when we have to be at church early, when the preacher talks past 12, when the song leader doesn't sing the song we like, or when someone takes our seat in the sanctuary.
they risk their lives when they walk into their place of worship, and they walk in gladly.
we all own at least 3 bibles....and read one maybe once a day.
they don't have bibles at all. they hear and memorize...and wait months to hear the next verse.
we are so caught up in this "tolerant" mindset we are scared to say anything that might offend someone.
they tell people that they serve a living God and that His way is the only way...knowing they could die before their next breath.

in the time it has taken me to type this simple blog, hundreds, maybe even thousands of believers have been killed for the beliefs i know i take for granted every day.

i am in awe of our ability to be so apathetic. 

James 1:22 - But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 


what will i do about it?
i must do something. because this...this easy, apathetic Christian life i'm leading it wont cut it any more. it can't. 
we are called to so much more.

1 Corinthians 4:16 - Therefore I urge you to imitate me.

can you imagine telling someone to imitate the way you serve the Lord? the way you live your life for Him?
that blows my mind.
but if i had their faith. their passion. their peace.
if i had what they have, and what i should have...i would be able to say that.

so this is me, making my greatest effort to be there.
to be like them.
to imitate them.
i want to be like Asia Bebe. she's in prison now awaiting her death. she stood up against a large group of Muslim women in her community in Pakistan and told them of her Lord and Savior.
i'm scared to be made fun of or unaccepted. 
she didn't fear for her life.
i will imitate that.

image for a minute what this world would be like if we were all imitators of these wonderful people, and in so, being imitators of our Lord.
we would be unstoppable.
join me.

or should i just keep chasing pavement?

these boys only listen to me when i sing

i'm dumb.

i act on impulse.

i don't use my brain.

when i do use my brain and plan...things never go the way i want them to.

i can't remeber the last time i had a friend tell me,

"hey jamie. i think you're doing the right thing. good job"

but.

that's ok.

i'll keep being dumb.

because when i'm dumb,

i still have fun. i still love my life.

i have regrets. i have a lot of them actually.

daily.

but you'd be lying if you told me you didn't too.

and my mistakes and regrets make me who i am.

i hate it. i love it.

so i choose to accept it.

i choose to bask in these qualities of jamie

23/7.

this.

this is my one hour to freak out.

back off.

i want to believe in reincarnation.

on days like today, i like to believe i was once a tree. 

firmly rooted. standing tall. 

unshaken.

strong.

reaching out to all who pass.

a shelter to those who seek it.

but since i was never a tree....

i will just live out my tree-like duties as best i can.

being jamie.