Give Me Rest

for those that don't know, i love to take naps.

i pretty much depend on them and coffee to make it through most days.

as i lay down today to take my nap, my head was spinning. there's so much going on and so much to think about in my life right now i wasn't even sure if i would be able to sleep.

but i was determined to try.

i grabbed my blanket and my teddy bear, rolled over, and closed my eyes. as i lay there, i thought. a lot.

but then...to my surprise...that feeling came.

you know that blissful feeling right before you fall asleep? when everything seams to just fade away and you are complete relaxed. i have told my friends many times - that is one of my favorite times of the day.

so i fell asleep.

when i woke up...my mind started racing again. all i have wanted for the rest of the day was to just crawl back under the cover and have that feeling again.

i want rest.

not sleep, not a nap or sleeping late in the morning...but rest.

i want my mind, my emotions, my friends, my grades, and my life in general to just give me a rest.

i just can't seem to get it.

as i write this...you guessed it...a verse comes to mind.

(i'm beginning to think God is using my blogging to talk to me more than anyone else

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

He wants to help me. He is waiting for me to just ask.

geeze.

my roommate keeps telling me, "jamie, you really need to just let go and let God." i hate that. i don't usually "let go" of anything.

but she's right.

and He wants me to.

i'm sure it would help.

he can give me that feeling and the rest i long for.

God, i'm asking for your help now.

Give me rest.

In your ocean i'm ankle deep.

i spent the last week at the beach. can you say HEAVEN?!?! it was so perfect.

we went almost everyday down to play in the sand and waves...even though it was below 70 all week. some days we could wear shorts and tank tops...some days i had on pants and a hoodie.

most days....we bundled up.

we went with another family.

4 boys under the age of 10.

it was a blast!

the youngest one is Nathan. He's about 1 1/2 and... is pretty much the love of my life.

when we got out of the cars and headed down to the beach, i would get him out, wrap him up in a towel, and hold him the whole time we were there. he would usually fall asleep, but until then i'd walk around showing him things and singing.

but it never failed...each day i would walk down to where the waves covered my feet and would start singing "Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe.

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep

I feel the waves crashin' on my feet

It's like I know where I need to be

But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out...

...Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful

To touch me, I know that I'm in reach

'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful...

as i sang that song, i would never make it all the way through. I would just sort of fade off, stand there, and think.

can this just be the theme song of my life?!?

i want to be all that i am called and created to be. I want to great things and do them for the glory of the One who saved me.

but i don't want to be too christian about...now please...don't freak out. give me a chance to explain.

i don't want to be so caught up in my walk with Him that i don't notice those walking around me. i don't want to be so "heavenly focused i'm of no earthy value." i don't want to live in my little christian box with my little Jesus that i can hold in my hand and just wait for the day i leave here and go Home. i want to be/do so much more than that!

i was talking with a dear friend and mentor a couple of weeks ago. he reminded me of the mindset i try to have. the goal is to find a happy medium...not to be the christian that only plays church and does whatever for the rest of the week...but also not to be the christian that lives in "christian world" in a little box and have no real contact with "the world".

alot of times i think we as christians get scared of "the world". we are scared it's going to take us over or corrupt us or just destroy us completely...but it's ok to be a nice mix of both.

as i have mentioned so many times before...i am ALL about relationship and heart. and seriously believe that i can listen to secular music, show anger, or even miss a day of Bible reading and still be a christian. if my heart is where it should be and my goal making that great relationship with Him even better...i think i'm doing better than i was the day before.

now don't take this as me justifying things so that i don't have to make any effort in my daily walk with Him or that i think it's ok/healthy to not be any different than the world.

because i'm not.

we are called to be different. but not so different that we aren't impacting anyone around us.

i hear alot of people say they want to be like a pebble being thrown into water...they want ripples. i don't.

i want to be like a wave.

i had alot of time to just sit and watch the waves this week...they are fascinating.

but, one wave can't just stay to itself. it's as if it has so much power and so much passion it can't contain it all. it has to share. it has to absolutely engulf the next wave...and the next must do the same.

i want to be a wave. i want to have no other option than to spill out onto the people i come in contact with everyday.

and i can do that. and i will do that.

Let the songs I sing

Bring joy to you

Let the words I say profess my love

Let the notes I choose

Be your favorite tune

Father let my heart be after you

and like a wave coming in at high tide...

there will be no stopping me.